I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
