I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
