Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
