She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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