Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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