Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
