So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize