Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
