I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
