if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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