the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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