if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
