for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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