You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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