Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
