Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
