I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
