I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I party with great urgency now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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