TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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