I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize