I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
