I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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