yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
