I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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