A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
