Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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