im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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