So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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