so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
