And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
