Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize