Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
