trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
