I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
