My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
