Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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