Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
