Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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