You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
