ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
