guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You've changed since you got that strap on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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