some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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