dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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