My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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