u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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