I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
