I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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