tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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