why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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