quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
