So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
