Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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