I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
