the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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