apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Im part way to drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
