CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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