oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
