I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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