So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
