all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
