Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
