Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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