I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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