does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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