so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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