maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
