haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
