Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
