I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize