just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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