then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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