I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
that's an acceptable place to lick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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