Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
