btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
