I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
