I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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