I just threw up on my dentist
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
