just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
