I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
