shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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