I am spending my child support on dildos
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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