my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
