Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am naked and annoyed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
